The Holy Spirit
and the Voice of God

This subject is a bit out of the norm for me but it seems that it is a subject that needs to be covered.

I recently took a trip to Illinois. My step father was very ill and I felt compelled by the holy spirit to go. You need to understand that going back to the home of my youth is an extremely difficult thing for me. This is actually something that fills me with a deep sense of dread, I never really want to go. Don't get me wrong I have many people there who love me, whom I love but there is also a deep underlying current of darkness and condemnation coming from other core people in my family that I simply dread having to deal with.
*Please bear with me I will get to the point but I feel it is necessary to cover some background info on myself here.
I was always the black sheep of the family... the outcast and for anyone out there with a similar background you will understand how painful this is.
You see I never really fit in! I never could think the way other people do, I never really saw things the way other people do!
I understand now that this is actually a blessing but at the time I thought It was a curse.
One quick example of this is death and funerals. As a child funerals didn't make sense to me, I mean if the deceased person has gone to a better place then why is everyone crying? Shouldn't we be rejoicing for that person? Shouldn't we be happy for that person and look forward to seeing them again?
It wasn't until I was much older that I truly began to understand grief but I still to this day do not see death the way that most people do.
However I do experience grief intensely and on a daily basis! *more about this in a bit.
I rebelled as a young person, sex, drugs and alcohol (which I might add were the norm for nearly everyone then) were a regular thing for me but I was miserable! In fact I was suicidal! Twice God directly intervened and sent someone to stop me!
Thank you Lord!
Eventually I left and moved away but I still had to deal with the hurt and rejection of my past.

The Bible says that we are to be set apart, different from the world... In the world but not of the world!
And this is a very good thing but it often makes it difficult to relate to people and difficult for people to relate to us.
They simply cannot understand where we are coming from!
I do understand that my recent trip was more for my sake than anything else. God wanted me to deal with my past and to see things with different eyes.
When I first got there I was feeling the same old feelings of dread and apprehension that always accompany going back but this time I heard the voice of God saying “Remember who you are”! It made a world of difference for me!

Now before I go any further on this I want to discuss the Holy spirit and hearing the voice of God when he speaks to you.
This can be a very confusing subject for people, it was for me and some times when I listen to other people, their take on it will still confuse me, so I want to address this here because I do believe that not everyone experiences the Holy spirit and the voice of God the same way even though we all do share certain aspects of this the same way.

I do believe that you MUST first receive the Holy Spirit before you can hear the voice of God and then you must learn to listen for the voice of God and be willing to trust, obey and believe him!

To receive the Holy Spirit you must first admit that you are a sinner and repent of your sins... ALL of your sins! This is tough for many people because it requires you to take a serious honest look at yourself!
It is easy to see the flaws in others but not so easy to see our own! It is often very difficult to admit (even to ourselves) that we have sinned against God and against others! It is difficult to see ourselves as we really are! In fact for some people this borders on impossible! This is why it is so hard for addicts to break free from their addiction and turn their life over to God, they are afraid that if they look at their real self they will not be able to bear it!
The same thing applies to narcissists and anyone else who puts up a false front to the world.
Yet to truly turn your life over to Jesus Christ You must do this! If you refuse to look at the infection you cannot get healing for it!

The next part is often just as difficult... You must invite Jesus to live within you... You must ask to receive the Holy Spirit... then you MUST surrender to it! You must allow Jesus to take control of your life! Surrender your will to his!

The truth is that most of us tend to want to act like spoiled children who demand our own way instead of wanting to listen to what God wants, and yes I am every bit as guilty of this as anyone else is!
We want God in our life but on our terms … not his! This Never works unless our will is aligned with his!

We often want God to do our bidding instead of the other way around! You cannot serve two masters!
If you truly want God's power in your life then you must allow him to take control...period!
Unfortunately most of the time we will not even admit that we are doing this and we simply do not understand why God isn't answering our prayers! It never occurs to us that maybe he is but we just don't like the answer because it isn't the answer we want! This is a form of idolatry, we are in a sense playing god!

It took me a long time to realize this for what it is and even though God was working on my heart and mind throughout all of this, it wasn't until I recognized this for what it really is, repented of this and truly turned control of my life over to God that I began to hear the voice of God!

When God speaks to you it is a still small voice and when I first started to realize what it was I realized pretty quickly that I had to be careful and put what he was saying to the test because it is easy to insert my own thoughts into this process and think that I am hearing from God and this is something that I do NOT want to do! So I try to be extremely careful and make sure that it really is God!
If it truly is God then you will receive verification at least 2 or 3 times over and often more than that! This will happen until you can recognize his voice when you hear it and even then it must align with scripture!
Often for me it will appear as a voice or thought with mysterious origins that works in harmony with the Holy Spirit. For example what I mentioned earlier about God saying “Remember who you are” I knew instantly where this came from, This thought about who I really am was probably the furthest thing from my mind at the time yet was exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it!

So what does the Holy Spirit feel like?
The Holy Spirit is undoubtedly the best thing I have ever experienced in my entire life! And it is unmistakably from God!
It is joy, peace, love and excitement that has no worldly explanation yet fills you with hope, strength and courage even when things seem hopeless!
There is literally nothing on earth that compares!

I mentioned earlier that I experience grief on a daily basis and I want to expand on that a little here.

One of the things that God said to me a while back was “I am sorry but I cannot spare you the tribulation of Noah”. This really confused me for a while and made me wonder if this was indeed from God but it was and again I have had confirmation on this several times over. So the question is what does this mean?
I have given this a lot of thought since then and I understand it this way: I will endure ridicule from people (even people I love) for trying to warn them about what is coming and I must endure the grief of knowing that billions of people are going to die and there is nothing I can do to stop it because it is their choice!
Ridicule and persecution are never pleasant to experience it is often cruel and hurtful but knowing that most of the people you know are going to perish hurts far worse!
Have you ever thought about what it was like for Noah? Being laughed at and ridiculed by neighbors and friends and maybe even relatives for years and years and all the time knowing that almost everyone you know is going to die! And when it did come and God sealed the door, having to listen to these same people screaming and begging to be let in and not being able to help them! Think about this!

This is what I live with every day! Knowing that billions of people are going to perish within a matter of years and all I can do is to write... to try and warn them... try and get them to open their eyes to the truth but deep down I know that most will not hear!
Believe me this hurts far worse than being laughed at, ridiculed or persecuted! Far far worse!

Yes I feel the Holy Spirit and yes I can hear the voice of God but I must also endure the grief and I don't really understand why. I do understand that this makes me different from most people who experience the Holy Spirit and unfortunately it means I am pretty much alone even among other Christians but I know that this is my calling, it is what God wants me to do... so I do it!

I believe that the main purpose for my recent trip was to come to terms with my past to let go of past hurts and forgive past and future hurts and focus on what really matters!
Maybe there are people out there who, like me have things in your past that are unfinished that need to be addressed, I encourage you to do so and soon!
Come to terms with your past...make peace and forgive because Jesus Christ will return soon and when he does all of those hurts from the past will not matter anymore but the people still do!

If you believe in Jesus Christ and do not feel the Holy Spirit or hear the voice of God then I encourage you to search your heart, mind and spirit to find out what it is that is preventing this. I can pretty much guarantee you that there is something inside you that is preventing this and it could be something as simple as a fear that it might somehow change you!

I myself have done this! I have prevented the Holy spirit and limited the power of the Holy Spirit within myself so I do understand better than you might think!
I would also like to mention that it is also possible for Christians who do hear God speak and who do have the power of the Holy Spirit to limit that power and refuse to hear the voice of God!
I myself have done this recently! But I realize that I cannot be truly happy without God working in me!

I dare say that the same is probably true of nearly everyone even if they don't know it.

If You have not already done so I encourage you to surrender yourself to Jesus Christ.... to the Holy Spirit! Yes this will change you but I promise you that it is worth it!
You will be glad you did!